When I Was A Kid...

The "when I was a kid" speel is pretty damn lame.  I, respectfully, DID NOT roll my eyes every time I heard a 5 minute hour life lesson that started off this way, although you can bet your ass I wanted to roll my eyes and bitch slap the offending party.  When I was a kid, we WALKED to the store to get penny candy, and if we had a penny or two, it was a treat... When I was a kid, we got ONE pair of shoes a year, and if our feet grew out them, we went barefoot, on glass covered streets (did my parents live in Kosovo or something? Glass covered streets?)...When I was a kid, we did chores because we were told, not because we wanted something or expected an allowance.... etc. etc. etc.

Well, I'm there.  I've caught myself saying things lately that question my credibility, and my "with it" factor.  I've started these 5 minute hour dissertations with the phrase "When I was a kid..."  What am I, like 55?  For the record, I am not. 

This got me thinking about all the things that are SOOO different for kids/teens/20 something idiots on Jersey Shore and the rest of the posers that act like them.  And I like lists....

Hence, the "Holy Crap, Things are Way Different Now Than They Were When I Was A Kid" list:

1.) Most kids do not know what a pen pal is, but they had a freekin' eMail address in utero.

2.) Texting has replaced the boy/girl crazy teenager staying up and talking on the phone all night.   

3.) Love notes?  Nope.  Sexts? Yup. Eww!

4.) Summer vacations with kids playing in the neighborhood, has really fallen to the wayside.  Us "soccer moms" schedule play dates, or our kids play video crack games while we get household chores done.

5.) One of my favorites: many kids/young adults have learned a very crappy lesson called: "I'm not responsible for any of my misbehavior"...why?  Because their parents are too busy making excuses for them, instead of teaching them from their mistakes.  When I was a kid, if I got in trouble at school, my parents corrected my behavior IMMEDIATELY and it didn't matter if I was at fault or not.  They made me accountable for my actions and any consequences that followed.  In turn, I respected the institution that deemed my actions unacceptable.  Period.  No excuses, no pussyfooting around the situation... (awww, damn, there goes another 5 minute dissertation...apologies).

6.) Back in the day, sportsmanship was taught at an effin' EARLY age.  Like pre-potty training...maybe not that early, BUT EARLY! It was not "a stage he/she is going through" and if it was a stage your bratty-ass child is going through, MAKE THAT STAGE END. now.  Better yet, LAST WEEK!

7.) Uhhh, wasn't telling time something that kids learned, like, prior to 21?   Don't even get my started on cursive handwriting....

8.) WHEN I WAS A KID, negotiations with my parents usually ended with me getting slapped....and the phrase "because I said so" was not my cue to say "why!?"  

9.) How many TVs are in a household these days?  Probably EXPONENTIALLY more than when you (gulp) were a kid....

10.)  I'm stopping my list now and going to buy some Ensure and perhaps I'll catch the early bird special at the local diner.....SMH (I guess, one more for good measure: Did we have all these effing acronyms? No, we didn't.  We said the whole damn phrase.  WTF actually meant something.  So did Oh Em Gee. Ridic.  How much time do kids really save by using the letters?  I mean, come on....most phones replace the words as they text....)

List complete.  Yeah, right.  This list doesn't even scrape the surface!